I bring myself to the stadium again, in a borderline state between stress and comfort, where the real emotion is undefined, grasping to categorize itself, at least in a positive or negative classification… The stress is not about being here, the stress is about not being somewhere else.
I don’t know how many have given a fairly good effort at some kind of (preferably non-team) sport, while also fighting at a high academic level or a highly demanding job (the kind that strolls inside your head for 24 hours…). During my masters degree, although time to train got slimmer and slimmer particularly when exams and final presentations approached, I was never fulfilled with the kind of enormous guilt of ‘sacrificing’ time, personal growth in one single area, and total devotion to one field – after all, so many masters students participate in collegiate sports..
‘Throwing’ myself inside a PhD in Italy, I am finding a million psychological obstacles, that can be the result of complex functions of my living existence at this time… I don’t know, but the pure positive psychology of doing my sport has been molested, trapped inside a mingled thread of outside reproach, personal need, obsession, and dreams.
I have found myself in a different kind of world, where although multidisciplinary characters are being marveled at, they are hardly emulated..
I am faced with an outside interpretation of practicing serious sporting at the loss of devotion to something else – academic, of the highest level. And chances are, that when one’s mind is half of the time on some other dream, focus is lost. At least that is the common way of thinking.
I do not think single-mindedly. I have been training for sports since I was nine, while being a good student, drawing, painting, and learning how to play the piano and later the violin.
Although very good at school, academic obligations often felt like a hundred stones were being piled up on me. I suffocated, but thrived. The one thing that felt like ‘prison’, I follow until the end… It’s a ‘sin’ to throw away gifts.. No?
The world is a one-minded majority, and when samples of this crowd rule your daily obligations (and income..), and their mindset is far away (or behind) yours, you come to wonder if education is really teaching us the essence of happy existence.
I look around me in the university, and see gloomy faces, all the time. They become so serious on their architectural talks, recalling on the works of their Brunelleschis, Venturis, Gregottis and Wrights… How truly serious is the past, in our contemporary futuristic tunnel vision?
Take the freedom to sometimes compare the reminiscing and fazed out glare of the full academian to the expressions of the devoted sportsman. The latter eyes sparkle with anticipation, the cheeks are flushed, the mouth sculpts various expressions – emotions grow and perish. It’s not fun and games, it’s kinetic science.
I may not deprive myself to fit in, but rather try to follow instincts and stand out.
“Life is long ( we hope) and ideally we never stop learning. Nothing beats passion as a guide to navigate truth. The only judge you need to pay any attention to is you.” (a personal thank you, to Angela Coon > wife of remembered track mentor Charlie Francis)